Watching From the Car: My Rock Bottom as a Mom

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Start Where You Are

A Fitness Friday Reflection

There’s a phrase you’ve probably heard before:

“Start where you are.”

It sounds simple. Encouraging, even.

But I don’t think people truly understand what that means…

until life forces you into a place where you don’t have a choice.

💔 When “Starting” Isn’t a Choice

In 2021, everything shifted for me.

I was diagnosed with herniated discs in my back.

Surgery wasn’t an option because none of them had ruptured.

When I went in to explore steroid injections, I was told something that stuck with me in a way I’ll never forget:

Because of my BMI…

there was a real chance they wouldn’t work.

And the solution?

Lose weight.

But what made that moment hit even harder…

was that I wasn’t just thinking about myself.

I was thinking about my daughter, Zabrina.

🧱 My Rock Bottom as a Mom

That’s when I realized how far things had gotten.

I call it my rock bottom —

or more honestly…

Fat Girl Rock Bottom.

But it wasn’t just about me.

It was about the kind of mom I felt like I was becoming.

At that point:

• Walking down the stairs to my living room left me in tears… while Zabrina waited downstairs

• Walking back up meant stopping halfway, out of breath, knowing she was watching me struggle

• Changing her diaper was hard because I couldn’t twist or move the way I needed to

• Taking her to the park didn’t mean playing with her… it meant sitting in the car and watching her from a distance

And that part?

That broke me.

😔 The Silent Guilt

There were the physical struggles…

but the emotional ones hit just as hard.

The quiet thoughts you don’t say out loud:

• “Why can’t I just get on the floor and play with her?”

• “Why is something this simple so hard for me?”

• “Am I failing her right now?”

There were days I felt like I wasn’t showing up as the mom she deserved.

Not because I didn’t love her —

but because my body wouldn’t let me.

😞 The Things Nobody Talks About

On top of that… there were the everyday struggles that added up:

• Not fitting into restaurant booths when we went out

• Struggling to put my socks on — having to find workarounds just to get dressed

• Needing a shower chair because standing too long was too painful

• Feeling exhausted just trying to get through basic daily tasks

And one of the hardest moments for me…

I couldn’t make my bed.

There were times I had to ask for help.

And when I finally could do it on my own…

that one task would take everything out of me for the rest of the week.

Zabrina would be there…

wanting my attention, my energy, my presence…

and I felt like I had nothing left to give.

🔥 The Moment Everything Shifted

There wasn’t a big, dramatic turning point.

No overnight motivation.

Just a quiet, heavy realization:

Something has to change.

Not just for me…

but for her.

I didn’t start with intense workouts.

I didn’t start with long walks or strict plans.

I started where I was.

And where I was…

was tired, in pain, and emotionally drained.

🌱 Small Wins That Meant Everything

That same bed that once took everything out of me?

I can make it now in 10 minutes.

And keep going with my day.

That might seem small to someone else…

but to me, it’s everything.

Because now?

I have more energy for Zabrina.

More movement.

More presence.

More moments where I can actually be there with her instead of watching from the sidelines.

And it didn’t happen overnight.

It happened from small, consistent steps.

✨ What “Start Where You Are” Really Means

It doesn’t mean starting where you wish you were.

It means starting in the middle of the struggle.

In the pain.

In the guilt.

In the moments where you feel like you’re falling short.

It means:

• One minute of movement

• A few wall push-ups

• Standing just a little longer today than you could yesterday

It means giving yourself permission to begin… even when it’s messy.

💖 For the Moms Who Feel Like They’re Failing

If you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough…

Like your body is holding you back…

Like you’re not showing up the way you want to for your kids…

I need you to hear this:

You are not a bad mom.

You are a mom who is struggling… and trying.

And that matters.

More than you realize.

✨ This Is the Glow Up

I’m still on this journey.

I’m still learning.

Still growing.

But I’m not at rock bottom anymore.

And if I can climb out of that place…

so can you.

You are not behind.

You are at the beginning.

And beginnings?

That’s where real glow ups are built.